Sermon Title: "Love Isn't Just For Weddings"
Date: February 14, 2010
Minister:  Rev. Charles Ensley

Lesson:  1 Corinthians 13

I can’t tell you how many times I have stood at the top of the chancel steps at weddings and heard some family member or friend of the bride or groom stand at the pulpit and read the 13th chapter of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians.  Of all the wedding readings I’ve heard over the years, that is the most popular.  And did you know, Paul didn’t even have marriage in mind when he wrote it?!

People listen for the final verse:  “And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.”  And they think that is the most important part.  If this passage—not written for weddings—truly has applicability for newlyweds, starting off on what I certainly hope and pray will be a lifetime together, it is not the final verse, but the middle verses, four through seven.  These are the ones couples need to live by in their new life together:  “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.”

Well, that’s all good for Paul—who was never married—to say, but for those of us who are, we know that sometimes we succeed and sometimes we don’t.  We try to be patient with our spouse or partner, but sometimes we fail.  Being kind is nice, but sometimes we forget.  Not irritable?  Who can say they never took something out on their spouse that really had to do with something at work, or how their day went, or they really didn’t want to be bothered with some household chore in the middle of a favorite TV show?  Not resentful?  In some relationships, where one party makes more money than the other, or for whom everything always seems to go just right, at times the other party is resentful.

Now I don’t suppose that the couples standing at the bottom of the chancel steps and hearing that read at their wedding are really paying all that much attention.  Their mind is swirling with how heavy that wedding dress is after wearing it for an hour so far, with five more to go, or what are those dance steps we practiced for later.  And, in the throes of love on their special day, they’re not thinking they’d ever be envious or rude, irritable or resentful to the individual whose arm is linked through theirs.  But if, someday, they really take these words to heart, they would find they make a very realistic primer for success in a marriage relationship.

So if Paul did not write these words of love just for weddings, for whom and what situation did he first compose them in the middle of the First Century?  Into the middle of the preceding and following chapters on parts of the body, spiritual gifts and the appearance of the Risen Christ—on which Rev. Susie and I have preached over three weeks—is tucked this section of the letter which only heightens its priority of place among the three chapters.  It is the key to unlocking Paul’s understanding of the way the Christian community—in the First Century and the 21st—ought to relate to itself.  Spiritual gifts are important, and some spiritual gifts ought to be sought above others.  But far greater still is the word he used for love—agape.

We use the word “love” to mean many things.  Love of an individual for their spouse, their child, their grandchild.  Their love of travel, or their love of chocolate candy in heart-shaped boxes on Valentine’s Day.  Their love of a particular restaurant, or they just love the way their new car handles.  They love a particular piece of music, or a certain movie.

While we use “love” in many different ways, in the Greek language in which he wrote, Paul had several well-known words to choose from to indicate distinct forms of love.  I’ve put a summary of these three words on the back of the bulletin cover.  Philia denoted love of family or friend or even an idea.  Philia is the root word for Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love.  Folks watching the Super Bowl last Sunday were exhibiting lots of philia-type love.

Eros, and its derivative erotic, has to do with sensual or sexual love, love where physical attraction and emotional bonding go hand in hand.  Couples being married are experiencing this type of love.

Yet instead of philia or eros, the actual Greek word Paul used in his writings was agape.  Ninety percent of all New Testament writings used agape.  Agape connotes a love where the concern is not for self but for the other.  It isn’t necessarily extended in expectation of what will come in return, but in the sheer gift of seeking another’s good.

This does apply to marriage relationships.  Have you heard people say their spouse is their best friend, or their biggest supporter or advocate?  A person wants the very best for the person they love, for them to succeed and to excel, not fail and be laughed at.  People I hear putting their spouse down—either to their face or behind their back—are not exhibiting agape love in any form and should realize the damage they themselves are doing to any hope of a successful relationship.

Such agape love extends far beyond those in married and committed relationships.  It extends right here to the church, to life in a congregation, which is exactly who Paul was writing to.  He was writing to them about their relationship with Christ, and their relationships with one another.  This was a new thing for them as first-generation Christians.  We have an advantage in having role models here in the church, both present, and those who have gone before us.

Acting lovingly toward others—family, church members, friends, fellows student, even co-workers—is a learning opportunity and that learning can be enjoyable and a source of personal satisfaction.  To say that a different way, accepting Christ brings instant forgiveness of sin and immediately makes us righteous before God, but it also signs us up for a lifelong character-formation course.  Paul gave his “rules” for how to spell love not because he was looking for a subject for a poetic essay on the subject of love to be read just at weddings.  He gave them because the people he wrote to in Corinth who had accepted Jesus still needed some help spelling love in their daily actions and attitudes.

Paul’s spelling out of love as agape gives us a description of what it looks like from the outside, and as we make our behavior match that description, we learn patterns and responses that can override our tendency to put ourselves first before the other.  And many of us experience pleasure from learning new things.  It really is a nice feeling to give something or do something for someone that is unexpected, with nothing expected from them in return.

Look at the example of Christ, for instance.  What did he ever do for which he expected something in return?  He healed the sick, he spoke to the disenfranchised, by his very presence among them he gave value to those whom society shunned and scorned.  When did he ask for them to do something for him?  The only thing I can think of was the last night of his life when, in the Garden of Gethsemane, he asked his disciples to keep watch and wait while he prayed.  And they let him down by falling asleep.  But out of his love for them, he never let them down.

If you want to know how to show love this Valentine’s Day, let me put it as Forrest Gump might.  When that box of chocolates is opened, let the other person pick their favorite piece first before you do.  And if they pick your favorite, don’t complain about it.  Just pick another.

Or to return to a more appropriate church example, we learn to live agape love because Jesus taught that putting the other before yourself is a significant part of what it means to be faithful to God.  It is, he said, second in importance only to our loving God himself.