Sermon:  "Who Cares About Fathers Anyway?"
Date:   June 19, 2011
Minister:  The Rev. Charles Ensley

Lesson:  Proverbs 4:1-10; Ephesians 6:1-4

On Father’s Day 1977, in my first little church in upstate New York, I preached this sermon entitled:  “Who Cares About Fathers Anyway?”  I’m using portions of it as a framework for today’s sermon, and at the end I’ll tell you why I preached it in 1977 and why I’m updating it for today.

If any of you have ever wondered what the similarity or difference is between Mother’s Day in May and Father’s Day in June, it can best be summarized by these words of a little boy:  “Father’s Day is just like Mother’s Day but the present doesn’t cost so much.”  In a comic in last week’s newspaper, a child hands dad a gift that was cobbled together and defies description.  The child said, “Here’s a gift I made you for Father’s Day.”  To which the father replied, “That’s what allowances are for.”

And if it’s hard for children to think of a gift for dad—neckties are not so popular anymore—it’s just as difficult for clergy to find an appropriate scripture for secular holidays like Father’s Day.  Back in 1977, I looked through all my worship books and found scripture suggestions for special days such as New Year’s, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Reformation Sunday, Thanksgiving and, of course, Mother’s Day . . . but Father’s Day?  Not even one little verse was suggested!  This year I thought I would have a much easier time, what with the Internet, which didn’t exist in 1977.  There is a wide variety of worship resources available online.  But when I checked several sites last week, no progress has been made in recognizing poor old dad.  There are now suggested scriptures and resources for Armistice Day and St. Francis Day, along with those I’ve already mentioned, but 34 years later, still none for Father’s Day.

Speaking personally, it seems to me that fathers deserve better than this.  We/they should be regarded as fully functioning members of a family.  We are capable of changing diapers, washing clothes, telling bedtime stories, giving advice as well as any mother.  An observation of Father’s Day should recognize the contribution they make to family life.

Now over the last half century, concepts of fatherhood have changed.  The days of “Leave It to Beaver,” “Father Knows Best” and “Ozzie and Harriet” are but distant black and white reruns.  Dad doesn’t come home and sit down at the dinner table anymore in his coat and tie with the whole family in attendance.  In fact, a Pew Research study released last week reports that 27% of fathers live apart from at least one child under age 18, more than double the rate in 1960.  The good news in that survey showed fathers who do live with their children currently spend 6.5 hours a week devoted to child care, up from 2.6 hours in 1960.  The 6.5 is still just half the amount of time mothers spend per week.  However, it is a gap that is narrowing.

Once I select a sermon theme, I begin to take notice of things that relate.  Maybe that’s why this month I noticed two fathers eating yogurt with their four children at Yogurtland on Second Street.  Walking to lunch last week, I saw two fathers heading to Livingston Park with three little children.  In both cases, the children seemed perfectly content doing activities with dad while mom was not present. 

I am aware that there is an increasing number of women in this country who are raising children alone, and working hard to do a good job of it.  There are numerous reasons for this, more than I will elaborate here.  But I do know from experience that it is easier to raise a child with two parents.  Many a time, Peggy and I found it difficult for two parents with two cars to get two girls all the places they needed to be.  And it is doubly difficult for a single parent of either gender.

I believe Father’s Day is relevant to observe here in church because it represents a greater relationship than you and your father or me and my father.  We must first recognize the Fatherhood of God.  Now I am not going to get into a debate about branding God as a male.  I recognize that all 66 books of the Bible were written in a very patriarchal age, when males had the power.  Widows were left in a perilous state, for women could not even hold title to land.  In most of my prayers, I do not typically address God as male or female, for God is a Spirit, not a man or a woman.  In keeping with tradition, we do begin the Lord’s Prayer with “Our Father…,” and we do sing “Glory be to the Father…”  Even the two hymns we’ve sung today, written 100 and 150 years ago, address God as Father, for that was the tradition in that day and age.

In Biblical history, recognizing God as Father stretches back to earliest times.  “I am the God of thy father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.”  That long lineage winds down through time to our own generation.  There can be no greater inspiration and more lasting meaning than for a son or daughter to come to know God through his or her own father’s faith in God.  While many a child has been dutifully taken to church by mother alone, I have experienced fathers who have taken on that role.  It is a great blessing a father bestows upon his child if that child is strengthened and invigorated by coming to know the love of God as his or her father’s God.

The first lesson today from Proverbs charges a child to listen to the instruction of a father, who encourages the child to strive for wisdom.  The parental wisdom and commands are sometimes explicitly linked with the Mosaic Torah, not forsaking Yahweh’s law as received by the ancestors.  The second lesson from the Letter to the Ephesians begins by charging children to obey their parents; indeed to follow the fifth of Moses’ Ten Commandments:  “Honor your father and mother … so that it may be well with you and you make live long on the earth.”  And then the table is turned from child to father, and in a theme common to the Proverbs passage, fathers are charged to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

I grant you that not all fathers are the examples we would want them to be.  And some people work to change that.  I read an obituary last week for Dr. Hershel Swinger, a clinical psychologist in L.A. who conceived Project Fatherhood in 1996, a program that has provided therapy, support and training for more than 7,000 low income urban fathers over the past 15 years.  Swinger said he often found the men cared about their children, but did not know how to show their love or were afraid their children would turn out to be like them.  Nearly 95% of the fathers participating have regular contact with their children.  In addition, only 2% of their children re-enter the child protective services system.

Such a program demonstrates that these fathers, as well as the majority of fathers, are capable of being caring, loving individuals, making many sacrifices for their family—sacrifices children are often unaware of until they are grown and parents themselves. 

A day such as this, in which we honor the fathers and grandfathers among us, says WE CARE ABOUT FATHERS!  Fathers are capable of much more love and emotion than they are given credit for.  I have seen many a misty-eyed father walk his daughter down that aisle.  And some of you know very well why I did not officiate at my own daughter’s wedding!  Father’s Day is important to me because I was blessed to have both a loving and caring father and father-in-law, who each supported and encouraged their children in their efforts and education, and became excellent role models for me.

I preached this sermon in my first church on Father’s Day 34 years ago, and ended it by announcing to the congregation that I was about to become a father with the arrival of our first daughter, Emily.  Today, I’m ending it by announcing to this congregation that our son-in-law David is going to be a father!  And that means I’ll become a grandfather.

Oh, yes, that also means Amy is going to be a mother.  When she told us, we asked her when her due date was.  She paused for dramatic effect and announced, “December 25.”  Amy was born on December 23, so she knows all about Christmas birthdays.  I somehow don’t see Amy coming home and attending the Christmas Eve services this year!